Wednesday, September 15, 2010

     Once again I am faced with the reality of my limitations.  It is a hard reality to face.   As  many of you know, I suffer from both Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, along with many other issues.  Due to the illnesses, my life has changed.  I am no longer the girl who is athletic or the girl that is on the go. I am confined in this worn body every day and it is not fun.  I have had to let go of many things due to the complications of my illness, among them the energy to minster regularly.  It is hard to let go of every thing that you have work so hard to attain.  I have often asked God "WHY?".   Then I remember a saying a wise friend shared with me when faced with her own struggles: "Why not me!!".  What she meant by that is who are we that we should escape struggle.  No one is immune to trouble.  However, to live with this constantly with no end in sight is often a hard pill to swallow. 
     I may not understand why I was chosen to walk this particular path but I must continue to trust God.   I do not know why God has chosen NOT to heal me, yet, but I must continue to trust God.  I do not know what my future entails, but I must continue to trust God.  In all of my struggles, esp those of the last 2 years, God has been with me in ways that have amazed me.  I have seen His hand at work in my life despite my physical hardships.
      Will God heal me? Will my energy ever return? Will I ever be able to have children? Will I have the energy for children? Will I ever be able to return to work? Will I ever be able to walk more than a few steps without being in pain?  Only God knows the answer to these questions and I must trust in HIM. AND I WILL TRUST IN HIM!!!!

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