Saturday, July 25, 2009 last

I have been wanting to share this for some time but just could not get into written word..In my mind the words flow beautifully, but to put them on paper(on in this case "on screen") seems like an enormous task but here goes................. For the last six years I have been struggling with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. At times, the fatigue has been so overwhelming where I would sleep for 2 to 3 days just so I can function again. Since that diagnosis, my body has begun to fall about. I will not go into all that I deal with on a daily basis. During these past six years, depression and despair have been my companions. Loneliness was always at hand. Many nights I lay awake asking God to rid me of this disease, to heal me and make me whole. I slowly began to lose my life. I had to resign my position at the church. That hurt so deeply, but I just could not keep up with it. Then I began to miss church altogether. I needed rest on the weekends just to make it to work during the week. Even with the rest on weekends, I missed a lot of work. Only by God's favor and grace I still have a job. As my life began to spiral downwards, so did my faith. Was God punishing me for something? Had I committed some unforgivable sin? Why did He not heal me? Did I not have enough faith or belief? Did I minister in pride? Did I teach wrong to the students? All these questions filled my heart. I fought hard to keep from drowning. My spirit had been defeated. Peace had escaped me. Yet, I kept praying and crying out to God. There was no one but me and God. THEN.............. I heard a (believe it or not) a southern gospel song that brought tears to my eyes. The Holy Spirit reminded me about Lazarus. As I reread that familiar story, God spoke to me. First, He loves me. Even though I am sick, He loves me. Secondly, Jesus delayed going to His friend. It was nothing Lazarus did or did not do. It was God's choice NOT to heal. Why? To show Lazarus and his family a greater thing. I have no bearing on when or if God heals me. It is HIS choice. It is not by my sin or lack of faith, but GOD wants to show me a greater thing.. PRAISE GOD!!!! However, God also spoke to me that I must see death. Now I don't sense it is an actual death like Lazarus, but more death to world, self, pride, maybe even material stuff. I'm not sure. But I do know He is in control and He has given me a peace beyond understanding. There are some steps that I need to take to draw myself closer to God, but I find it so hard to do. I sympathize with Paul when he said he did the things he ought not do and did not do the things he ought.. Our flesh is so strong, but our spirit must be stronger. Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace.... I now have Peace with God, Peace in God and Peace from God..Nothing beats having HIS Peace. OH, what joy May God bless you and keep you in HIS perfect peace until meet again Keena

Monday, July 20, 2009

And yet another doctor

Well, today was another visit to another doctor...Looking for answers to this mysterious disease Chroniuc Fatigue Syndrome..The dr was nice but referred me to yet another dr....This dr believes that Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia is a sleep disorder that starts due to pinched nerves in the feet.... By giving me shots( I am assuming cortisone) in my feet that it will make me better....At this point I am willing to try anything...I have suffered with CFS for nearly 6 years and I am frustrated, but I will not give up...This may be the doc that God uses to heal me....Then again, God may not use anyone at all( that is another blog for another day) Until next time Take care and God bless

Saturday, July 18, 2009

I'm Back

Wow ....It has been over a year since my last blog....What can I say except that I have neglected blogging for several reason that I will not go into.....I have so much that I'd like to share...Do I blog one long entry or do I break it up into several shorter entries...The reason why I am coming back to blogging is my good freind Paula... She has started blogging recently which peaked my interest again in the written word...I do wonder though it any person will actually read what I write.... I would love to receive comments on my writings...
Well, take care and I will blog later tonight with all my thoughts and ramblings