Sunday, November 07, 2010

     Grief...... that is what I have been thinking about the last few days... Psychologists have coined 5 stages of grief when dealing with a loss.......They are Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining(usually w/ God) and Acceptance. Most of us think of the death of a person when we hear the word grief, but what about other losses.....The loss of a marriage or serious relationship, a beloved pet, a job or even one's health.....
     I have been stuck in my grief while trying to deal with the loss of my health....For the 1st few years, I was in denial....I did not tell many people that I was ill.....For those that don't know, in 2004 I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome....I tried to hide it and tried to be as"normal" as I could be. I would still do things but then would need days to recoup.,,,I tried to deny the fact that I was sick...Then I met my husband and all that changed....He began to tell people when I needed assistance and such....It took him some time but he is understanding and very supportive....OK, so I have made it out of denial, esp since I can no longer work due to my disability....Now, I fluctuate b/w anger and depression.....It seems like I can not get out of those two stages....AND, its been 7 years and several health issues later... How does one get thru these stages when it appears to be no change.... I have nothing to barter with God with....I was in ministry when I developed CFS and had to resign...Sometimes, I feel like acceptance is saying that God will not heal me and yet I know He is capable but strongly sense healing is not His will at this time.....I don't want to accept this illness and just give up, yet fighting every moment is frustrating.....I try to remain faithful, yet being unable to do simple tasks like walking in the mall  or standing in line w/o pain gets overwhelming at times.....I guess the worse part is when family and friends criticize what you cannot do and label me as lazy....Please don't get me wrong.....I do have moments of joy and peace and happiness.....What I covet the most is your prayers.....AND, your understanding.....OK,  I will stop venting now....One of these days, I will get through these 5 stages of grief even if it takes me years......LOL

1 comment:

Kelly Tringali said...

When you are ready you should really think about starting a graded exercise program. You start off slowly, say take a 5 min. walk every other day for 2 weeks and then increase the distance. Then work on intensity. Yes, exercise can sometimes effect the CFS but, a sedentary lifestyle and total rest can create more health issues. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about getting you a physiotherapist. You can do it, just start off very slowly, never give up and remember God is with you, with every step. Just have that faith, God wants you to begin the journey to heal yourself, to feel good about yourself, because he has faith in you.
This blog is a tool to help you keep track of your progress, use it to look back upon to give you encouragement and allow us to encourage you.