Grief...... that is what I have been thinking about the last few days... Psychologists have coined 5 stages of grief when dealing with a loss.......They are Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining(usually w/ God) and Acceptance. Most of us think of the death of a person when we hear the word grief, but what about other losses.....The loss of a marriage or serious relationship, a beloved pet, a job or even one's health.....
     I have been stuck in my grief while trying to deal with the loss of my health....For the 1st few years, I was in denial....I did not tell many people that I was ill.....For those that don't know, in 2004 I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome....I tried to hide it and tried to be as"normal" as I could be. I would still do things but then would need days to recoup.,,,I tried to deny the fact that I was sick...Then I met my husband and all that changed....He began to tell people when I needed assistance and such....It took him some time but he is understanding and very supportive....OK, so I have made it out of denial, esp since I can no longer work due to my disability....Now, I fluctuate b/w anger and depression.....It seems like I can not get out of those two stages....AND, its been 7 years and several health issues later... How does one get thru these stages when it appears to be no change.... I have nothing to barter with God with....I was in ministry when I developed CFS and had to resign...Sometimes, I feel like acceptance is saying that God will not heal me and yet I know He is capable but strongly sense healing is not His will at this time.....I don't want to accept this illness and just give up, yet fighting every moment is frustrating.....I try to remain faithful, yet being unable to do simple tasks like walking in the mall  or standing in line w/o pain gets overwhelming at times.....I guess the worse part is when family and friends criticize what you cannot do and label me as lazy....Please don't get me wrong.....I do have moments of joy and peace and happiness.....What I covet the most is your prayers.....AND, your understanding.....OK,  I will stop venting now....One of these days, I will get through these 5 stages of grief even if it takes me years......LOL

Did something different today....I went to a POLO match....I won a free pass to the match at Hyde Park Farm  in Ravenal... It was interesting.   The match was an exhibition game to support Debi's kids and the Salvation Army Angel Tree.  I was not sure what to expect, but it was strangely similar to that scene in "Pretty Woman".. Some of the girls were dressed to the hilt... I mean they were tromping around in the dirt in heels and shorty dresses... My friend, Paula, and I were sensible.  We wore pants and tennis shoes.  It was definitely a social scene.  I mean some people were more in to drinking their champagne and talking rather than watching....To me, it was something like hockey...I was concerned about the safety of the horses but the jockeys and referee watch out for that. Actually after 2 Chukkers(a period or inning), they trade out and get a different horse.  

They have 7 Chukkers in regulation play.. Plus they have a 3 minute rest between Chukkers and an halftime . So they give the horses plenty of rest.  Each Chukker is 15 minutes.

The weather was beautiful. Sun was out and there was a nice breeze. In fact, Paula and I were in the shade but somehow I got some sun on my face. Before the match, a band was playing. It was an awesome day.  We actually got to "stomp the divots" like they did in "Pretty Woman"

This is me "stomping the divots".   It was a very tiring but relaxing day.  We took our chairs out there and packed a cooler and just kicked back...Although it was tiring physically for me, it was SO GOOD to get out of the house for a bit..I tried to get some more pictures of the horses but they were running too fast.